The way I saw it was that at the time I was working two small part-time jobs and going to school. I loved being busy and running around to stay on top of it. Loved it all. I knew that if I wanted to maintain that lifestyle, I would never be capable of raising a child properly; the way that I was raised, the way that I’d expect myself to raise a child. I wouldn’t be able to stand putting my kid in and out of daycares and babysitters because I was always working. It’s not fair to the child. Is that so wrong?
I’m so tired of being told, “Not even one? Sure, you don’t want kids now, but you’re still young, that’ll change.” There’s always a smug, knowing grin that accompanies this statement. It irritates me. Who are you, hypothetical person, to tell me how and when my opinions on such a personal matter will change? Who are you to predict how I will choose to live my life? Do you think that you’re going to win some sort of prize if I ever do change my mind? Will something catastrophic happen if I don’t?
“But you’d make a great mom!” Yes, I’m sure I would. I was raised by good parents. I have learned valuable lessons through things they’ve taught me and by mistakes I’ve made. I have no doubt in my mothering potential. (Potential. Important word, here.) But that’s not a path that I want to take. Not only is this totally irrelevant to what is ultimately MY decision, when someone says that to me, all it ever sounds like is empty flattery. How would you, hypothetical person, know, anyway? You don’t know me that well at all. You don’t know my home life. You don’t know much about me at all. How can you possibly validate that statement?
The cherry on top at this point? Not only is it impossible to fit a child into my lifestyle, but living paycheck to paycheck making barely more than minimum wage is not the kind of financial situation a child should be born into. Not in my eyes. So if you, hypothetical person, would like to pick up the bills and put food on our table, then sure, why not. But I doubt that.
So, my most basic questions are: Why is it so clearly socially acceptable to pose rude questions about someone else’s very personal lifestyle choice? Why does it make me less of a woman because I choose not to bear children? Why am I deemed selfish for not expressing the desire to bring another life into this already overpopulated world? And finally, why is it any of anyone else’s damn business?
